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You would have come across people who are in a romantic relationship with more than two people. Or you yourself might be one. If so, it might be called a Polyamorous relationship. In the past, open relationships, swinging, and polyamory was once considered somewhat taboo topics, but now it is becoming common. 

It is usually a positive thing to be in love where you enjoy spending time with someone who you really care about and start working toward building a future together. But what if you care about two people in the same exact way? Is it possible to be in love with two people? Even if it’s possible to fall in love with more than one person, will it be disastrous? 

Why do you feel it? Can it be healthy? Read to know if you are interested. 

Love with two people

Polyamorous relationship

A monogamous relationship, which is the state of being in one relationship at a time is considered to be a standard. When you add a second person to your current relationship, it can become a love triangle and mostly gets messy.  Maybe you cannot give up on anyone because you have the same feeling about both.  But this sometimes can make to lose your partner’s trust.

If you find people having multiple partners,  then they are known to be polyamorous people, and when it comes to multiple romantic relationships, it would be mostly like hurting someone’s feelings by having an affair in favor of someone else. 

In the first place, it is not unusual to get attracted to more than one person at a time or the feeling of wanting to act on that attraction.

Depending on what type of relationship you are in,  being in multiple romantic relationships might be less possible and most people in Western cultures practice Monogamous relationships.  Actually, your romantic love is devoted to one person at least in theory.  When you fall for a person,  it is expected that your current partner and current relationship receive all of your love and affection. 

In a monogamous relationship, developing feelings for someone else, or even if you feel like in love with someone else, can always be a problem. 

What is Polyamorous? 

Not everyone practices monogamous relationships because some people practice polyamorous.  The underlying concept is the involvement of multiple people. Polyamorous is not for everyone, and in western societies, most people prefer to be in a relationship with one person at a time. But 

They may have one person they consider a primary partner but on the side, they date others casually. Others may be in love with two different people at the same time. Different things work for different people and it is up to them to choose the best way to live their life. 

Polyamorous is not cheating

There can be confusion between polyamory and cheating, as the concept can be difficult for some people to understand cause it breaks away from the traditional and monogamous understandings of being a good partner. So some people find it a way to cheat on their partner

But the fact is polyamory tends to build ideas of honesty, communication, and centering feelings by involving everyone. So most of the time, polyamorous does not equate to cheating. 

Here both parties will have agreed beforehand and would know their boundaries and rules within that relationship. But if you have never agreed to be in an open or polyamorous relationship, then it can be unfaithful for your partner to do so. 

The basis of your relationship should be examined and decide whether or not polyamory is something you want to explore. You need to allow space for everyone’s feelings to be heard and for honest communication. Together you need to decide whether your relationship styles are compatible and if there is anything you need to change. 

Different Polyamorous types

Different Polyamorous types

There’s a lot of variety in pursuing a polyamorous relationship. Knowing about the different types of polyamorous relationships can lead you to understand the community better. There are a lot of types, but we will discuss the most common. 

Mono-poly Relationships

Mono-poly relationships are a unique polyamorous relationship type where one person is monogamous, and the other is polyamorous. Although the reasons people find themselves in mono-poly relationships will vary based on the situation, there are a few main reasons like partners having mismatched intimate desires or different relationship orientations.

Sometimes people get into a monopoly relationship by accident where two people meet, find each other attractive, begin seeing one another, and then learn about their relationship. This is how many mono-poly relationships begin although some people will not be comfortable partnering with a polyamorous individual. 

Sometimes, two people have been monogamous for a while, and one tells the partner that they have decided to pursue a polyamorous relationship. If they are interested in it, it benefits those who have mismatched desires and are comfortable with the situation. 

Sometimes due to being in a long-distance relationship, a couple will enter a mono-poly relationship. Sometimes one partner craves intimacy that they cannot get from their partner who lives far away, and they’ll pursue another relationship while the other stays monogamous. This type of polyamorous relationship will only work when all parties are comfortable and work to keep the relationship strong

Solo Polyamory

In various polyamorous relationships, someone will have a primary partner. They will prioritize themselves over any person they’re dating. When exploring new relationships, they make it known that they’re interested in casual relationships with whoever they’re dating. 

A solo polyamorous person will not be interested in searching for a primary partner. And they are not interested in giving up their personal time and goals to pursue something serious. Some people follow this lifestyle throughout their life if it works for them and they are happy. 

When they feel content with their career goals or meet the right person, they’ll move to a monogamous relationship or a different polyamorous relationship where they have a primary partner.

Hierarchical polyamory

This involves three people, where one partner will be primary and the other would be secondary. One relationship will have more importance than the other relationship. The primary partner will typically live together, share a property, and may even have children together. Because of these reasons, these two will have more power in the relationship. 

Non-hierarchical polyamory

The opposite of a hierarchical polyamorous relationship is a non-hierarchical polyamorous relationship. There is no primary partner and all are equally involved in major decisions. Everyone’s relationship with each person will be unique, but not one relationship is more important than another.

Kitchen table polyamory

Kitchen table polyamory is actually a network of polyamorous people who want all members of the party to be socially very close, like sitting around the kitchen table eating together. It can be fun as a chosen family sitch, but some believe it’s too limiting for polycule time.

Polyamorous symptoms

The misconceptions of Polyamorous relationship

misconceptions of Polyamorous relationship

There is no true intimacy

It is seen that when having multiple partners, the person will not have true intimacy in their relationships. But there are polyamorous people who find that being in relationships with multiple people creates more intimacy due to the required emotional exposure and communication. 

They do not get jealous

No this is not true, because sharing is hard, especially when it means giving up something that’s important to you. 

Many polyamorous people do get jealous but the difference is the way they deal with jealousy. Rather than seeing it as a relationship-ending problem, they find it to be insecure or fearful to work and overcome. But they learn to respond to feelings of envy with openness and curiosity, rather than shame.

They are afraid of commitment

In monogamous relationships, you find commitments but in polyamory, it often looks different. 

Although couples may not create traditional relationship goals together, like living together, engagement, or marriage, they still have committed relationships and will be there for each other. Some people believe that a lot of commitment is needed in a  polyamory relationship due to much dedication to the need for open and honest communication. 

They do not have to be faithful

People think that when they have a secondary partner, there is no need of being faithful to a partner. The truth is even in polyamorous relationships, there should be respect for your partner and relationship, moreover, you need to stay faithful. 

Complications of the polyamorous relationship

monogamous relationship

The way the society is, the way you are raised, it is also preferred to be monogamous. So in a society like this Polyamorous can be challenging. Among the culture, media, peer groups, and families, it would be hard to look at how a polyamorous relationship can work. 

Making your relationship successful requires skilled communication and a willingness to devote time and energy to finding the resources.

You need to be intentional with the time

To cultivate intentional and rewarding experiences with the partner, time is the most valuable. If you are a person who goes with the flow and doesn’t do things to plan, then you might have to change your habit. 

Your current partner or partners will need a heads-up to make their own plans. Balancing between them can be complex. 

Rules and boundaries 

To make your partners feel emotionally safe, you need to establish expectations through rules and boundaries. They are actually external agreements that are decided mutually by established partners. This includes how late you can stay out or how often you can go on dates with other partners. 

You need to rely more on clarifying boundaries, which are about what you control. Boundaries include how you manage your own mental state and emotional reactivity. 

How to talk about Polyamorous?

Jealousy in Polyamorous

It can be a big deal to talk about this with friends and family. Due to the myths and misconceptions, some people may prefer to keep one or more of their relationships private, which can create issues for partners to feel like being excluded. The partner who is recognized will only have the chance of family photos, holidays, trips, and milestone events. 

It is necessary to talk about polyamory with important people in your life and you need to carefully consider how to take the conversation in a way that they can understand. 

How can a professional help you? 

If you think you may be polyamorous, or if you intend to try a polyamorous relationship structure either with a current partner or on your own, it is better to speak with a knowledgeable mental health professional who can help you to take the next steps in exploring.

A couple’s counselor or individual therapist who has extensive prior experience in working with polyamorous relationships will be able to help you. Because the mental health professional should be someone who should not be judgemental. 

It is important that your counselor knows the issues to look for and skills to impart when helping couples or individuals embark on a polyamorous path.  It can be hard to find professionals you can trust due to the culture against polyamory. But you can find the best through some sites. 

Final thoughts

It is you who need to decide whether polyamory is right for you. This type of Polyamorous relationship will involve challenges so you need to examine what you expect from love and romantic partners. In the end, being honest with yourself and your partner(s) about your feelings is most important for a happy relationship.

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